Letting Go of What No Longer Fits
How to release commitments that have outlived their season
“Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s making room. Room for clarity.
Room for alignment. Room for what comes next.”
A few years ago, my wife and I made a decision that surprised people who knew us well. We stepped away from a denomination we’d served in for years—not casually, but deeply. In different seasons and churches, she served as a paid cathedral chorister and women’s music leader, and I as a music director and leader of outreach and young adult music programs. Music wasn’t just what we loved; it was what we did.
But over time, we noticed something we couldn’t ignore: the teaching from the pulpit wasn’t aligning with what we believed Scripture actually said. We had to ask ourselves a hard question: What matters more—the roles we’ve built and the music we love, or the teaching we trust?
So we made a trade. We found a church with solid biblical grounding, even though the musical style wasn’t what we’d grown up with or preferred. We stepped away from leadership, from compensation, from the kind of music that had shaped our lives.
We realized that deep investments aren’t the same as essentials. Sometimes, the most faithful thing you can do is release something significant so you can hold onto something true.
Not every commitment deserves to stay. Some roles, relationships, or responsibilities served their season—but now they quietly drain the clarity and joy you need to lead well. If you want to move forward with purpose, you must be willing to release what no longer fits.
Release what once made sense but no longer serves
Commitments don’t arrive with expiration dates. They shift quietly—from energizing to exhausting. What once felt like calling starts to feel like constraint.
Research on decision fatigue confirms what most leaders sense intuitively: the more commitments you carry, the harder it becomes to make clear choices about any of them.¹ Ask yourself: Does this still reflect what I value? Does this still move me toward who I’m becoming? If the answer is no, it’s time to consider release.
Release the identity you built around the role
When you hold a role long enough, you start to merge with it. You become “the one who leads the committee” or “the person everyone calls.”
But you are not your role. You’re a person who held a role. Jerry Colonna describes this pattern in Reboot: we often use work as a prop for self-meaning, building identities around positions that were only ever meant to be temporary.² Releasing a role means releasing the version of yourself that needed it. That’s uncomfortable—but it’s also freedom.
Release the fear of what others will think
This is often the heaviest part. Not the role itself, but the imagined judgment. What will people say? Will they feel abandoned?
Social psychologists call this the “fear of negative evaluation”—shaping decisions around others’ anticipated reactions rather than our own convictions.³ Leaders who stay too long in misaligned roles often do so not because the role still fits, but because leaving feels socially risky.
Here’s what I’ve learned: the people who matter will understand. You don’t owe anyone an explanation that convinces them. You owe yourself a decision that aligns you.
Release the need to justify your choice
When you step away from something significant, there’s a reflex to explain, soften, apologize. But the more you justify, the less confident you appear—and the more others question your decision.
Release doesn’t require a manifesto. It requires clarity, kindness, and brevity. “This season has passed for me. I’m grateful for the time, but it’s time to move on.” That’s enough.
Not every release will feel clean. Some will ache. But carrying what no longer fits costs more than letting it go.
This week, consider one commitment that once made sense but now feels heavy. Not the easiest one to release. The one you know, if you’re honest, it’s time to let go.
Takeaway Action: Identify one commitment you’ve been carrying out of obligation rather than conviction—and take one concrete step this week toward releasing it.
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Endnotes:
- Roy F. Baumeister et al., “Ego Depletion: Is the Active Self a Limited Resource?” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 74, no. 5 (1998): 1252–1265.
- Jerry Colonna, Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up (New York: Harper Business, 2019), 44.
- Mark R. Leary, “A Brief Version of the Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 9, no. 3 (1983): 371–375.
